Improper Energies

Flat Stanley is envious. She's envious of WOW and his ability to captivate the reader mostly by charming him or her through his version of life's ordinary moments. She's envious of Cunning Linguist and his irreverent rants against, well, everything. She's envious of Karen for her ability to be both serious and interesting. FS wants to be equally inane and/or interesting.

But no.

The Feng Shui is wrong. The bathroom's in the wrong corner of the house. The color in the bedroom is supposed to be in the kitchen, the live plant in the living room is plastic, and the furniture arrangement in the dining room is impeding upward counterflows. Not to mention that the furniture is pine, not teak, causing Sagittarius to lean on Aquarius and Jupiter to dampen the crystal. Making things even worse, the false heartiness of the plastic plant's aura is wreaking havoc on the quantum energies, so the Q is now actually the number 7. Did you think that FS was going to say that the Q is now actually a P? That's how bad it is: FL was actually going to say that the Q is actually a P, but the impact of sub-atomic particles on over-arching superstructures is vast and unpredictable.

Why just the other day, FS was thinking about how we are now being told by scientists — real ones — the kind that wear bright white lab coats — that the mere act of observing particles at the sub-atomic level changes their behavior. The behavior of the particles, that is. FS imagines that it might take a lot to change the behavior of people observing tiny particles that only they can see. Little tiny particles which somehow know when they're being observed, and respond accordingly. These same people in bright white coats, by the way, somehow know that the behavior of the particles has changed, even though no one's ever actually seen the particles behaving in the way they behave when no one is observing them.

So, as FS was observing, vast and unpredictable. Like business. In FS's world, running a household has powerful similarities to running a business. Revenues, capital expenses, operating expenses, rainy day funds, investments to meet future needs, succession planning. Manage and adjust course regularly to stay in alignment with short- and long-term goals, mostly being that one reaches pre-determined increments of time with a balance of $0 or better. FS, not being of the bright white coat world, is of the opinion that vast and unpredictable changes should fall into the categories of finding a winning lottery ticket or being named an heir to the DuPont fortune.

Or maybe FS is of the bright white coat world, and her casual observation of the business world is what has rendered it vast and unpredictable. Observe with FS the business model of one local company:
(1) buy a failing business and merge it with yours;
(2) employ the entire management team of the failing business to run things;
(3) wonder why, 5-10 years later, market share of the business has dropped from 95% to bankruptcy; and
(4) watch same management team move to another company.

What if FS had not been watching? What if FS put a real plant in the living room, painted the bathroom puce to compensate for its poor placement in the house, and moved the bedroom to a location where the frequencies are more sex-friendly. Say, way more sex-friendly. Say, guaranteed to generate hot, grinding, tirelessly horny, f-me bedroom vibes? Talk about a good chi! Chi-it!

Business. Yes. Vibes and observation and energies. Say, FS thinks that anytime someone can get a government to pay their way out of a history of poor decision-making and unwillingness to act as a responsible citizen of the world that maybe the sub-atomic particles of leather furniture, executive teak bathrooms and corporate jets are aligned pretty well.

And FS is considering taking a closer look at those sub-atomic particles. But first, FS must investigate the powerful energy field currently swirling through a particularly sensitive portion of her cardboard.

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