church sign conversation

Time to bring back another popular feature...unintended humor generated by the church sign. This week's chuckler:

Join us each week as we try to get a grip on God

The last time we got this close to pinning down the slippery bastard was just over 2,000 years ago. He got away that time by doodling in the sand...but this time, we're covered...the event takes place in a fully air-conditioned, carpeted auditorium. Get your tickets now, ladies and gentlemen, for this promises to be one GREAT show! Free seating!

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Family News in Focus (WCRH, The Compass, Pointing Hearts to Christ) featured an article yesterday on the increase of gambling addictions among women over the last 20 years. The article attributed the rise to the greater economic and social independence gained by women during that same time frame.

“In the push towards equality, women have not found a way to shed some of the more destructive traits of power and independence,” noted Steve Jordahl, the journalist. He concluded the article with, “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

In lamenting the loss of the paternalistic structures which fostered economic and social inequalities, Jordahl is, in one sarcastic sentence, employing the power-based tactic of derision and diversion. Derisive comments set the conditions for discussion by establishing the person delivering the dismissal as one who has the authority to do so. A cool head can parry that blow by ignoring it. The diversion is tougher: Where does one begin when the opening gambit attacks the very foundation of your stance?

Jordahl’s insult equates past history of social and economic injustice and inequality with Godliness, and paternalistic protectionism with success. His gloating over the fact that given the chance, women will falter at the same rate as men, seems a far call from Godliness. His solution—keep women safe by removing their access to social and economic equality—shows a fundamental lack of respect for the ability of men and women alike to function in ways that move each other toward deeper spiritual growth.

We left church to get away from outdated, inflexible, fear-based dictums on WHO God is and WHAT God demands of us. I tune into this (formerly?) moderate Christian radio station now and then just to touch base. Yikes. If this is where mainstream Christianity is, I’m checking out of that, too.

leaders and pornography

MD Delegate Robert A. McKee resigned from his office Friday after it was learned that deputies found child pornography, including 30 videotapes and "significant" amounts of printed material, in his home. He also resigned from his position as Executive Director of Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Frederick County. Delegate McKee joins an ever-increasing list of a crime that I am beginning to understand.

This isn't to say that the posing or placing of children into positions intended to provide sexual stimulation for the viewer is acceptable behavior.

I propose that it is you and me, however, and our daily attitudes, that drive persons such as McKee to succumb to the temptation. Outrageous, ain't it? Where in the hell have I come up with such nonsense?

Having served in increasingly larger leadership positions in a non-profit organization for the past few years, I've observed a few things:

1. The higher up you go in leadership, the more you become identified as being a personal link to the organization.

2. When you're in higher leadership, certain kinds of people begin treating you as though you are an unfeeling institution rather than a person. Doesn't matter if you coach a children's community soccer team, head a Girl Scout troop, are a CEO, preacher or politician: It's all leadership and subject to the same mis-treatment.

3. You end up taking all kinds of pot shots, most of which it would not be appropriate for you to respond to or are so off the mark that there is no responding to them.

4. It's smart to have a good leadership team that sees itself as a united team serving the organization rather than as a group of individuals, each serving their own purpose in the organization.

Sometimes I wonder if those meanies taking pot-shots have any idea of how deeply their attacks wound. Learning to parry their blows by not taking personal attacks personally is not only good for the leader. It's also good for the organization. Being charged with leadership of institutional goals means focusing on the big picture. Leaders who can't find ways to cope with the crap can't function.

I'm lucky. I have support in my fellow leaders. We function as a team, recognize each others' strengths and look for ways to accommodate each others' shortcomings. When one of the 6-12 cranks in our organization of 2,000 takes aim at one of us, we band together to consider the merits of the complaint, provide a safe place for the person under attack to vent emotions, and plan a united response.

We are human. We have human feelings and failings. How would you respond if you were publicly castigated every time someone was unhappy with a decision? If you were tempted to self-abuse, or substance abuse, gambling, porn, shoplifting or whatever tempts people when they are stressed (and I freely admit that at times I have been tempted to certain of these behaviors); if you had not the skills or option of turning to others for support, what behaviors would you turn to for relief?

Again, I'm not arguing that it's really "ok" for someone to turn to child pornography. Instead, I am suggesting that it is how we as a society treat our leaders that is the root cause of the problem of failed leaders. Sure, as someone who as accepted a leadership position, the responsibility for my behavior lies with me.

To put it into church-terms, Christians are admonished to not tempt (aggravate) their children. As loving parents, partners, and family members, we consciously strive to create environments to bring out the best in each other.

Why treat our leaders in any other way?

judgmental

Scene: Teen-aged girl with a past history of sexual abuse from a family member engages in sexually promiscuous behavior, much to the distaste of the congregation, aka "church family." She stops attending church services and sends the message that she doesn't want to face the judgmental attitudes there.

Back then, it was hard to understand: Wasn't the girl really saying, "Let me alone to do as I please?" And at the same time, if she recognized that her behavior was doing wrong (aka "sin") and the church family knew she was doing wrong, where was the judgmentalism?

The judgmentalism begins at that place where we replace "That behavior is wrong" with "Your heart should be like my heart."

Judgmental attitudes kick in when we refuse to walk in another's shoes, when we dismiss the context of another's anguish, when we deny the depth, the impact, the very validity of another's struggles. Being judgmental is easier than being compassionate: Compassion demands that we open ourselves to a sense of another's predicament. The problem is that in opening ourselves, we risk understanding. Understanding leads us closer to acceptance of the person regardless of their behaviors. Acceptance leads us away from judgment and suddenly, we're lost.

We're afraid of acceptance because we don't know how to live with one of the foundational tenets of Christianity: Humans are sinful. We try accommodating this tenet by upholding a fairy-tale world of perfection. We trot it out on Sunday mornings, pay lip service to human frailty while we rub elbows with our church family, then stow it for another week.

To put away judgmentalism is to practice grace. It's the recognition that if you experienced your neighbor's situation as they experience it, that you, too, might sin as they sin. In terms of your religious practice, grace doesn't change the terms of sin. It does change, however, your response to sin. And isn't that what love is supposed to be about?

free at last

Woe. It's been a long time.

Thought for the day: On the radio the other day I heard a well-known Christian personality give the low-down on all-or-nothing thinking...you know, if your love for your partner—ehr spouse, I mean—isn't growing, then it must be shrinking, if you your spiritual life isn't moving forward then the only other option is that it is declining, etc.

And I realized, first, that I used to say and believe stuff like that and now I don't. No wonder, I thought, that Christians struggle so much with being judgmental. With a mindset that dictates either/or-ness there is an implication that one's progress must be judged for direction. There is no room for "rest" or "uncertainty." Sadder still, there is pressure to perform, always perform, because you take a look at yourself and don't see/feel/experience/lie about growth, you've just judged yourself condemned.

From an outside-the-church perspective I am here to proclaim that sometimes, "resting" is the perfect place to be. Resting allows contemplation, reflection and the freedom to not judge yourself. Most importantly, it sets one free from judging others. Hallelluia!